rambling...

First, what in the world was up with Idol?? I can't believe Michael John's went home tonight. Like I said yesterday...it was just wierd! My fave's are still in, so that's good. Oh well....

So, we've been attending this course at church on Wed. evenings. It's called Alpha. Yeah, it's been around a while, but I've never actually taken it. Kurt has even taught it, but he is willing to sit through it with me. Anyways...last night was only the 2nd week., but we have a new group member...Danny. This is hard for me. Okay..who's Danny?? He is Cameron's Mom's boyfriend. (well, I don't think you could say they are together anymore) His daughter, Sandra, Cameron's sister...is close with Becca. Danny has formed a pretty good bond with Kurt...he accepted Christ and was baptized under Kurt. So, while I'm glad he has decided to join us..(he hasn't been attending CVCC since Kurt resigned) I'm struggling with it. Part of the Alpha process is forming relationships with those in your specific group. Being able to be open and honest about stuff...like your life! Well, a lot of my "stuff" revolves around Cameron, and losing him...and I know Danny struggles with missing him as well...it's just awkward. Interacting with him and Sandra, (she looks so much like cameron) is difficult, because as a friend put it..it's like tearing the bandaid off a wound...sooooo...okay...is this supposed to help heal the both of us? Being in the same group together? I don't know...but I'm praying to God that this turns out all right...my heart can't take anymore "drama"....

I feel like i'm being selfish. I mean, why shouldn't Danny be a part of our group...maybe this was all God ordained, and we ARE supposed to help each other through this...I don't know...my flesh just want's to never see anyone related to the whole mess ever again...but really, how realistic would that be? Running from a problem, or "wound" never helps anything..it only prolongs the road to healing.

Sorry about the mish-mash of thoughts...just trying to get them out of my head.